Guys, the stripper doesn’t actually like you.

Strippers, like politicians, are masters of deception. They’ll say anything to get whatever they want out of you, most especially to escape the consequences of their own actions. This principle is on full display in bodycam footage of police in Ohio responding to a hit-and-run accident caused by an allegedly intoxicated young stripper who also has several felony warrants for her arrest. This is why your wallet goes missing after that lap dance, young lads.

Learn how police stopped a fleeing stolen Dodge Challenger going 140 mph here.

The Buick Enclave this stripper was driving drew the attention of police immediately after Flock license plate readers sent out an alert because the owner has felony warrants. As much as we have reservations about this technology, it admittedly does come in handy in situations like this. Officers were able to quickly locate the suspect and stop her from driving away again.

Also, can we talk for a minute about the irony of a stripper driving a Buick Enclave? Most people would expect her to have some little convertible, at minimum a Miata. With all the talk about strippers supposedly making big bucks, why is she driving a Buick crossover? Maybe it has something to do with all those warrants?

She acts intoxicated as the officer approaches her Buick, yet when he asks if she’s “been drinking or something” she quickly responds that she hasn’t. Her slurred speech and nonsensical sentences would indicate otherwise, as would her getting into a hit-and-run. Not too long after, she contradicts herself and admits she had at least a couple of drinks right before getting into her Buick.

But that doesn’t mean she isn’t with it enough to try manipulating the officer so she can get off with a warning and maybe something a little extra. She starts flirting almost from the get-go and almost everything she says that’s even somewhat coherent is loaded with innuendo, but when you conduct yourself like that all the time we guess it just comes automatically.

There’s also a bizarre encounter with the stripper’s “friend” who showed up after seeing she was in the area. We’re assuming they share location data with each other, but the “friend” is dressed…. Interestingly and she really doesn’t want to give much info to the police. That’s not suspicious at all.

Oh, and the stripper peed her pants while sitting in the back of the cruiser. All in a day’s work.

Police officers have to deal with all kinds of garbage, including bodily fluids and strippers without even stepping foot in a strip club. Anyone who thinks that sounds like fun probably also believes the stripper truly likes them and isn’t just saying that. They’re also probably still looking for their wallet.

Check out this situation and how patient the officer is for yourself.